Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Yesterday afternoon I was plugging away at work when I got a phone call from the adoption agency. Annnnndddd... turns out they are coming to our house to start our homestudy on Monday. Yes, this Monday coming up. Holy shit.
I started freaking out. Not freaking out like "oh my god, there's a social worker coming to my house in 6 days" but more like "oh my god, this is really happening, I'm going to have a baby" kind of freaking out.
I don't know what I expected. I think I sort of expected our homestudy to not start until like 2015. I know, ridiculous right? But seriously, I feel like I had all these lofty visions of what it was going to be like when a) our homestudy was under way and b) when we get a baby.
Here's the low down. A social worker will be coming to our house for the next 3 Mondays, from 1-5 p.m. I will take the time off work and Bob has the afternoons off as is. I don't know what the whole homestudy is really going to entail, but I'm imagining there will be questions about our lives, why we want to adopt, our relationship, our families, etc. My sister pointed out that this seems very arduous. My feelings on it are that yes, this process is going to be taxing, but... one of the only fortunate things about infertility is that I will never have to push a baby out of my vagina. 12 hours of interviews I can take.
Then. THEN. At the end of January, we will be done our homestudy. Then we will be on a waiting list. Oh. My. God. This is happening so fast.
Chances are, we'll be on a list for like a year. That's fine, I'm totally cool with that (today, anyway). But here's the thing. My friend was on the list for 3 weeks and she had a daughter. Like a real live, breathing, crying, pooping, snuggling newborn baby girl.
I am trying to remember what it was like when I thought I was never going to be a mom. I am trying to remember if there was *ever* a hint of relief in there. Because for the record ladies, this is a teeny bit scary. Don't get me wrong, there is for sure nothing I want more than to be a mama. But let's be honest here - now that I'm inching, no, let me correct myself, SPEEDING towards motherhood, I'm kinda crapping my pants.
So ya, that's what is new in my world.
Listening to: Tone Loc - Funky Cold Medina